


A My Tea Fine Halloween

by DoodleDoo



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Cat cafe AU, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Swearing, Yeah that's right a Cat Cafe AU, i can explain i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoodleDoo/pseuds/DoodleDoo
Summary: Born from a Discord Conversation. What would happen if the Mighty Nein lived in modern day and ran a Cat Cafe? And what would the Halloween season in particular be like for them?When Mollymauk buys a supposedly haunted doll and Halloween seems to be just around the corner, Fjord is left feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Nobody else seems to be quite as worried about it as him... yet.





	1. The Doll

**Author's Note:**

> ...So yeah this was based on a fun Discord conversation about what would happen if they ran a cat cafe. We came up with quite a lot of thoughts about it, but rather than writing a fic that would actually establish how everyone met and those kind of things, I just wanted to jump in with this idea, as it amused me the most. I hope you guys enjoy it despite not having too much context. I never intended by first Critical Role fanfic to be a wildly niche AU... it just happened. I'll write real normal Critical Role content at some point I swear.

“What the hell is that?”

“I think you mean,  _ who  _ the hell is that,” Molly said with a devious smirk.

“Fine, ok,  _ who _ the hell is that then?” Fjord asked, fear clear in his usually calm and collected voice. He could barely look at the thing placed on the table before him, so instead diverted his attention to Molly, who Fjord could tell was enjoying this a little too much.

“Oh I’m so glad you asked” Molly teased, his grin widening. “This”, he continued, indicating with his hand to the old, porcelain doll, “is Dorothy. She’s a positive energy spirit and was a little girl who died on her 8th birthday due to Tuberculosis. This doll was her favourite toy and she died beside it, so decided to possess the doll.” The way Molly said it all so nonchalantly made Fjord even more uncomfortable.

“Where did you get that?”

“Her!” Molly interjected. “She’s sensitive, don’t just address her like the object she possesses.”

“Fine! Her then!” he snapped back, causing Molly to recoil very slightly.

“Alright, alright, no need to shout” he said calmly, that dirty grin still plastered across his face. Fjord would wipe that grin off his face if he could. “I got her from the very best source of haunted dolls”.

“And that is?”

“eBay”. Molly leaned back into his chair, crossing one leg over the other, satisfied with the look of mixed frustration and fear etched into Fjord’s expression. The half orc man looked so incredibly done with Molly’s antics for the day, and yet the day had barely even begun. The cafe wasn’t even open to the public quite yet. “I just thought it would make the most wonderful Halloween season decoration.”

“It’s September” said Fjord drily. 

“Exactly. It’s practically Halloween!” he enthused. “The entire season of Autumn is practically the season of Halloween”.

Fjord was about to argue back in vehement disagreement, when suddenly Jester practically bounced out of the kitchen door with a tray full of freshly cooked pastries to lay out in the display cabinet. Upon seeing the two at the table, she almost dropped the tray in excitement, but just about managed to contain herself enough to place them on the side before rushing over to them and pulling them both into a tight hug. “Molly! Fjord! Good morning!”

“Mornin’ Jes”, Fjord choked, the hug being so tight he felt like his ribcage had been crushed.

“And a good morning to you too, Jester,” Molly replied joyfully, giving her a small kiss on the forehead in greeting. Jester giggled in response, hugging them even tighter for a second before letting them go. Fjord was thankful that he could finally breathe again, but that thankfulness faded when Jester spotted the doll. 

“Ooh! What’s this?” she said, leaning over them both to get a closer look at the doll, her tail swishing with curiosity.

“Not what Jester, but  _ who _ ” Molly began. 

“Oh! Who?”

“This is Dorothy. She’s a haunted doll, a positive spirit though, not evil.”

“Oh  _ wow _ !” Jester’s eyes were wide as she looked upon the old doll, clasping the sides of her face with her hands. “She is so, so cool! Isn’t it, like, the  _ coolest _ , Fjord?” The contrast of Jester’s thrilled expression to Fjord’s less than thrilled expression was almost jarring. 

“Uh… Well, Molly sure thinks it is.” Fjord stammered, dodging around the question. He didn’t want to disappoint Jester with his honest answer.

“I just thought it would be a perfect Halloween decoration” Molly added. This only made Jester somehow even more excited. 

“Oh my gosh, Molly! You’re totally right, it’s perfect! It will go perfectly with the other decorations we’ve brought!” she chimed, her eyes practically aglow with excitement at the thought.

“Hold on a moment,” Fjord interrupted, “You’re telling me you’ve brought other decorations for the cafe?”

“Mm-hmm!” Jester nodded smiling at him.

“... To decorate the cafe now, in the middle of September?”

“That’s the plan~!” she said, practically singing. “What’s the matter Fjord, aren’t you excited?”

“Oh don’t worry about him” Molly assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure once all the decorations are up then he too will feel the joyful spirit of the season.” Fjord raised an eyebrow at this statement, which naturally Molly noticed and had to take advantage of. “Or are you the type of person who doesn’t start celebrating Christmas until December?”

Fjord bit his lip, he wasn’t going to let Molly win. Instead, he thought to divert the entire conversation, noticing the pastries Jester had left on the side. “Hey Jes, don’t you need to finish sorting out the display cabinet?”

“Oh!” Jester shot up straight from leaning over the table at an almost comical speed. “Yes! I do!” She hurried over to the tray of pastries she left on the side and began to neatly lay them out, rambling to herself as she did. “And then I need to take the cupcakes out of the oven, and put another batch in, and then leave them to cool, then decorate them, and then-”

Just as Jester was backing her way back into the kitchen, the cafe door chimed, as two humans dragged themselves into the cafe, both obviously tired, but for different reasons. Jester’s intentions to be back on track with her work were abruptly cut short upon seeing them, dropping the empty tray as she launched herself towards them both, pulling them into a tight hug that neither were awake enough to see coming. “Good morning, Beau! Good morning, Caleb!”

Beau groaned, “Morning Jester…” her voice still croaky from sleep. 

“Ah,  _ Guten Morgen _ , Jester” Caleb replied wearily, happy to see her, but not quite awake enough to show it. As soon as Jester released them from the hug, Beau instantly made a beeline (albeit a rather slow beeline) to the coffee machine.

“Lovely to see you as lively as ever,” Molly taunted, as he sat reclined in his chair. Beau shot him a dark look, unappreciative of his sense of humour at this time of the morning. She needed her coffee first, then she’d find him funny. 

“Are you alright, Caleb?” Jester asked softly, putting a hand gently on his upper arm; he looked more worn that usual.

“Oh, ja” muttered Caleb, taking her hand from his arm and giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “I just didn’t get to sleep until late last night… not for any bad reasons!” he quickly added to the end, seeing the concern on her face only grow when he mentioned his late night. “I was studying, that was all.” Jester’s face relaxed and returned to its usual gleeful expression, and Caleb couldn’t help but give her a small smile in return.

“What were you studying?” Fjord shouted over, interested in what magical studies Caleb may have been engaged in, and also as an excuse to turn attention away from the doll and Molly.

“Oh, uh, you know, some transmutation as per usual, and some dunemancy…” 

“He was reading the books Hot Boi gave him. Probably to impress him.” Beau interjected, walking over towards Fjord and Molly with a hot cup of dark coffee in her hands.

“Oooh~” Jester teased with a grin, practically skipping next to Caleb as he quickly walked over towards Beau in order to reject her statement.

“I was doing it because I find it fascinating and want to learn! Also I wouldn’t want to make him wait too long for me to return his books,” he said assertively. It was true, dunemancy fascinated him and the thought of not returning a book so graciously lent out to him in good time was a motifying thought. If there was any ulterior motives he had, he certainly wasn’t about to let them know; it wasn’t any of their business. 

“That’s reasonable,” Fjord agreed, whilst meanwhile Molly and Beau gave each other skeptical looks. It was at this point, Caleb noticed the doll.

“Uh, Mollymauk?”

“Yes?”

“What’s that you’ve got in front of you?”

“Oh fuck, that thing’s creepy as hell!” Beau said, finally noticing the doll as well. She seemed shocked, but almost sounded impressed.

“Her name is Dorothy and she’s a haunted doll Molly brought as a decoration!” Jester happily told them.

“I just thought it would be a delightful addition to the cafe this spooky season,” Molly explained, searching Beau and Caleb’s faces for agreement. Neither face quite showed the anticipated reaction.

“Well, if you want to scare people, then I’m pretty sure that will do it” Caleb mumbled, studying the white porcelain features and cold, faded blue eyes.

“Scare people? That thing will take their souls, look at the fucking thing! We’ll be the scariest shop in town this Halloween for sure” Beau blurted out, perking up a little from her coffee. Molly was satisfied with these answers and rocked backwards on his chair slightly, his red eyes glancing over to see Fjord’s agitated reaction.

“I thought we wanted to attract customers, not scare them off!” he contested loudly. Hearing the commotion, the door to the back room opened, and out through the door streamed the cafe’s cats, as a tall Firbolg opened the door. One of the cats, a ginger and brown striped one, quickly made its way over to Caleb, meowing loudly and rubbing up against his leg. Caleb, leant down and tickled the cat behind the ear, the cat purring loudly in response before jumping up onto his shoulders.

“Good morning Frumpkin, you missed me, ja?” he uttered, to which Frumpkin mewed and rubbed his head into Caleb’s, which in Frumpkin language meant yes.

“Oh. Good morning Caleb, Beau. You get here long ago?” the Firbolg asked, his voice deep and calm as ever.

“Morning Caduceus.” Beau said, greeting him. “Nah, we got here like five minutes ago.”

“I see. Sorry, I was just sorting things out back and making sure the cats were ok.” He slowly wandered over towards the group, taking everything at his own personal, leisurely pace as per usual. As he passed the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks and sniffed the air.

“...Can I smell burning?”

Jester gasped loudly in horror as she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. “THE CUPCAKES!” She dashed into the kitchen, almost knocking Caduceus over as she hurried in to save the baked goods she’d made. He barely flinched as she rushed past, and just continued to amble over to the rest of the group. He towered over everyone else, making everything in the cafe seem rather small in comparison.

“What do you think of this whole ‘haunted doll’ thing, Caduceus?” Fjord said, turning to Caduceus and sharply pointing at the doll. Caduceus looked to the doll, staying quiet for a few moments as he took time to study it.

“A fantastic Halloween decoration, don’t you think?” Molly added, gesturing his hands to the doll rather like a QVC presenter desperately trying to sell something with little appeal, yet somehow make it look impressive.

“Hmmm…” Caduceus hummed to himself, scratching the side of his face in thought. Somehow, the simple matter of whether a supposedly haunted doll was a suitable decoration to place in a cat cafe for Halloween, had become the most important subject of the morning. The tension as everyone waited with bated breath for Caduceus’ answer was almost palpable. Finally, he came to a conclusion:

“We’ll find a place for her. We can decorate just after we close up this evening.”

The smug smile, the sheer pride on Molly’s face was almost sickening to Fjord, who leaned his elbows on the table and massaged his temples with his fingers, in disbelief at how this ridiculous situation had all conspired against him. He had a headache, and it wasn’t even from his cat allergy. 

“It’ll be nice to have another presence amongst us.” Caduceus commented, as he shuffled off to make final preparations before they opened. Fjord shifted uncomfortably in his seat at these words.

“Don’t worry about it, Fjord” Caleb said, briefling rubbing his hand on Fjord’s back in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s all bullshit. The doll isn’t really haunted. People just label things like that online in order to try and sell them.”

“Yeah, that’s probably true, would be pretty sick if it actually  _ was  _ haunted though” Beau said, finishing her coffee and looking down into the empty mug, swirling around the dregs to try and see if there were any last droplets she could drink.

“We’ll be opening soon, so best we get ready and forget about this nonsense till later, ja?” Caleb said, addressing the group before moving away to prepare for opening, Frumpkin still sat contentedly on his shoulders.

“Quite right, Caleb!” Molly declared, standing to his feet and picking the doll up in his arms. “We have work to do, and then we can sort out our new friend. Come along, Dorothy!” he sauntered away from the table, carrying the doll into the backroom, shortly followed by Beau who needed to make herself look slightly more presentable in the last few moments before they opened. With the doll finally gone, much to his relief, Fjord took a moment to sit quietly by himself. One of the cats, a small ginger tom, pattered over to Fjord, rubbing against his legs as though sensing his stress. Fjord gently lowered a hand down to scratch the cat behind the ears, which it stopped for a moment to enjoy, before scuttling off to climb up one of the many cat trees scattered about the cafe. It was at this point, Fjord felt a familiar itchiness start to flare up in his nose. “Damn allergies” he cursed to himself, before standing up and heading to the backroom to find Caduceus. Caduceus always had everything you’d ever need in his pockets, and that meant anti-allergy medication.

The cafe returned to its average pre-opening state, the circular wooden tables all with matching chairs placed around them and various cat toys and rugs overrun with the 8 or so cats they currently had there. A single black cat with bright yellow eyes sat on the floor a few feet away from the table, staring at the spot on the table where the doll had once been sat.


	2. Decorating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it passed Halloween now? Yes. Do I care? No. Will I finish this fic? Hell yes. Will it take a while? Most probably. Thank you all SO much for all the positive feedback so far though, it genuinely made me so happy. It's given me the confidence to continue with this fic, so here's the second chapter! Sorry that it's shorter than the first, but I hope you all still enjoy it!

The work day unfolded as per usual, nothing too strange occurring, though a usual work day at My Tea Fine always included at least one or two unusual occurrences. Jester managed to just about save her cupcakes from being completely incinerated, though a few that were closer to the back of the oven were a little too much like charcoal to sell to the public. Nott arrived late, having apparently almost crashed her moped on the way in. Nobody knew where Nott got the moped from or if her license was legitimate, but nobody bothered to question her; they all knew the answer was likely not legal. However, she was more than happy to consume the charcoal cupcakes that Jester had been about to throw into the trash, which made Jester feel a little better about burning them. At least they hadn’t gone to waste and someone had enjoyed them.  
Yasha arrived not too much longer after Nott, and was cheerfully greeted by Mollymauk as well as several of the cats. When asked about why she was late, she simply replied with, “I saw some beautiful daffodils by the side of the road” and everyone knew what she meant. At lunch break, she could be seen checking a book full of pressed flowers. The cafe was fairly busy through most of the day, meaning there were plenty of people for Molly to entertain, or as one particularly haughty customer put it, “harass”. When the customer had commented that she’d given fuss to “every single kitty”, Molly had raised an eyebrow at her and commented, “well you haven’t given fuss to this kitty” before rolling is tongue to make a purring noise. Needless to say, he didn’t get a tip from her, or any fuss either. 

Besides that, nothing else much worth mentioning occurred. Eventually, the final customers left the cafe, leaving the motley cat cafe crew alone. “Oh thank god! I thought they’d never leave,” Beau moaned, dropping the customer service act as soon as the customers were out of sight, and collapsing onto an empty chair, legs and arms splayed out.

“You know what that means, Beau?” Jester asked, looking down at her from behind the back of the chair, filling Beau’s entire vision with her cute, blue freckled face and infectious grin.

“We can clean up, lock up and go home?” 

“No! … Well, technically, yes, but you’re missing a step! Like, a really IMPORTANT step” Jester replied, eagerly awaiting Beau’s next response.

“I said going home, that’s the most important step” Beau stated, because after a long day like today, that certainly felt true to her.

Caleb stepped over towards them and carefully put a hand on Beau’s shoulder to get her attention. “Um, I think what Jester is trying to imply here, Beauregard, is that before we leave, we all decorate the cafe for Halloween.” No words needed to be further exchanged to confirm whether that was true, as all Beau had to do was look back from Caleb up to Jester, who seemed to be virtually vibrating with joy at the concept. Beau sighed deeply and groaned loudly.

“Come on Beau, it’ll be fun!” Jester assured her, grabbing one of Beau’s spread eagle arms and tugging on it to hurry her up.

“Yeah, come on, Beau! If we get to decorate for Halloween we get to see Molly’s freaky haunted doll and choose where the best place to put it is!” Nott joined in.

“Why do you care so much about it?” Fjord asked Nott skeptically.  
“Because if we put it somewhere that it can look over all the customers and all the customers can see it, then we can tell people it’s watching them and will follow them home unless they give us all a minimum of 50% tip!” Nott grinned, rubbing her hands together at what she thought was a genius idea. Fjord rolled his eyes at what he thought was a stupid idea. Beau dragged herself off of the chair she was sitting on, whilst Jester instantly dashed off into the back room to find the decorations, shortly followed by Nott. She watched as Molly soon followed behind, as everyone began to prepare to decorate. 

Yasha stood next to Beau and watched, before saying to her in a hushed voice, “You know… the sooner the decorating is finished, the sooner they all stop begging to decorate the cafe, and the sooner we can go home.” These words were exactly the motivation Beau needed to help set up the decorations in record time, as she quickly darted off to find Jester and Nott. Yasha couldn’t help but crack a slight smile. Before long, the bags of decorations were out and unpacked, and the cat cafe’s theme began to shift from a calm collected coffee shop to a festive fall feel. Eventually, Molly brought out the final decoration: the doll. He placed it on the table for all to see, allowing Nott and Yasha their first glimpses at their new cafe mate. 

Nott scuttled over to the table, clambering onto a chair and standing on it, leaning over the table towards the doll till she was face to face with it, her lively yellow eyes staring deep into Dorothy’s lifeless ones. Yasha stood looking over Molly’s shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed slightly at the sight of the doll.

“Wow. This thing really is horrifying! And probably, definitely haunted” Nott commented with a tone of approval. “I hope that she won’t be angered by us using her as a Halloween decoration, else we’ll really be in some shit.”

“It’s not really haunted, Nott. It’s all just a dumb rumour.” Caleb said with a sigh, drawing Nott’s attention away from Dorothy. 

“You can’t say that, Caleb! She’ll really hate you if you say things like that, and I don’t want you to die because of some haunted doll’s vendetta!”

“It would indeed be very tragic!” Molly said with a smirk. “Though if we’re to assume that Dorothy will target whoever declares disbelief in her most… Then I’m sorry Fjord, you’re next, darling.” He placed a hand gently on Fjord’s shoulder, his other across his chest, and bowed his head, as though having a small moment of memorial silence for the Half-Orc.  
Fjord pulled away quickly, unnerved and agitated. “Will you stop with this creepy doll bullshit!?”

“Oh but I haven’t even begun!” Molly taunted through his impish grin, before turning away from him. “Now… where do you think would be the best place to put it?”

“By the till so they actually tip us,” Beau suggested as she stood on Yasha’s shoulders, pinning up the last of the jack-o-lantern shaped bunting. The tone of her voice implying that this suggestion came from a place of deep personal pain.

“That would be like super useful” Jester agreed with a nod as she finished placing the last fake spider web over the counter.

“But it could also scare them away from actually coming to the till at all…” Caleb retaliated.

“We could put her at the front door to greet people” Yasha chimed in.

“Ooh that would be a great idea, Yasha!” Jester said cheerfully as she went and stood next to Fjord.

“No way!” Fjord objected. “If I saw that fucking thing at the front door of a cafe I’d run the hell away from the place!” 

“Oh! Oh! I know!!” Nott enthusiastically shouted, jumping up and waving an arm in the air to catch everyone’s attention. “How about we just keep it on Caduceus’ head? That way people will be compelled by the combination of Caduceus' calm and polite mannerisms, and the doll’s menacing nature!”

“I’m not sure Dorothy would really want to be placed on my head. I think she’d quite like her own space” Caduceus said with a calm smile, ambling towards the doll after having finished putting up the signs for the seasonal drinks and food menu.

“Well if you think you know what Dorothy would like best, where do you think we should place her my fond Firbolg friend?” Molly asked him, handing him the doll. 

Caduceus held the doll carefully, bringing the doll’s eyes up to his own eye level. “Hmmm…” He pondered for a few moments, in which time Beau finished putting up the bunting and jumped skillfully off Yasha’s shoulders. Finally, he came to a conclusion: “She’d like to be able to watch over us all.” He went over to the far corner of the cafe and placed the doll on a small shelf which usually only the cats could reach, but when you’re 7ft tall, you can reach a lot of places that most wouldn’t. “I think she’ll be real happy right there.”

“She may be but I’m sure not happy she’s there…” Fjord muttered under his breath, crossing his arms and huffing, before a friendly firm jab to his upper arm knocked him, as Beau came up to him and placed an arm around his left side. 

“Look on the bright side, at least now that’s all done, we’re finished now! We can go home! … Right?” She looked back at Caduceus who gave a slow nod.

“Alright! Let’s go!” Jester cheered, linking her arm with Fjord’s right and dragging him and Beau out the front door, shortly followed by Yasha, Molly, and Caduceus. Caleb and Nott stood in the empty coffee shop for a moment longer, the exhaustion finally catching up with Caleb, and Nott noticing, which concerned her.

“You look pretty done in, Caleb…” Nott looked up at Caleb and reached up for his hand. “Let’s go home, and you rest tonight.”

Caleb sighed, “Ja, ja… but-”

“Come on, Caleb. No buts this time.” Nott wasn’t often serious, but when she was, Caleb couldn’t help but listen. 

“... Alright then, I promise.” He took her hand, and they walked out of the coffee shop together, allowing Caduceus to lock the door behind them. It was moments like this that reminded Caleb how much Nott really did save him from himself, and a rare true smile briefly flashed upon his face, but was gone in the blink of an eye.

The doll’s dull eyes watched them all leave, unblinking, seeing all.


End file.
